Forget simple massages, this Thai retreat will set you on fire (literally)

I tell her I’d like to concentrate on healing my gut, which is suffering from the stress and time zone confusion of my travelling life. I’m assigned four doctor appointments (medical, Thai, Ayurvedic and Chinese) as well as a functional fitness assessment. Each professional will create for me a program of four therapeutic treatments. That’s 16 treatments (which include two relaxing hydrotherapy sessions) in three days. It’s intense. There are also free daily activities, including Tai Chi and aqua aerobic boxing, but I don’t have time to try any of them. Even finding a moment to swim in the beautiful, green-tiled pool is challenging.

RAKxa has three separate treatment buildings, a short walk from each other. Jai, an airy, art-filled pavilion is where the traditional therapies take place and contains the luxurious thermal suite of pools, saunas and steam rooms. Gaya is tan impressively equipped fitness and physiotherapy centre and Vitallife is a pristine, hushed building where the medical side of things happen. None of it is invasive – even x-rays happen at the hospital because of their toxicity.

My first appointment is with Dr Suwanna in Vitallife for a general health assessment. My blood pressure and pulse rate will be taken by a nurse whenever I enter this building. It seems a bit like theatre, but I suppose it’s a precaution before people try the various machines.

A nurse pricks my finger, and the blood is transferred to a slide for a Live Blood Analysis. With the doctor I can see my white and red corpuscles on a screen, in real time. “Almost all of them look pretty,” Dr Suwanna Suwannaphong says. Phew. We talk about longevity, one of the clinic’s specialities. She explains the connection with the hospital means it would be possible for me to have a barrage of tests, from DNA testing to a hormone panel (which she recommends), followed up by a telehealth call. There is an extra fee for these tests, and it’s quite hefty – about $847 for the hormone panel – and I decide it would be cheaper to have them done at home if ever I needed them.

Guests can also bring test results done by their own doctors if they need medical assessment. The doctor prescribes an IV cocktail of probiotics for my digestive system and organises a session in the Hyperbaric Decompression Chamber, which looks like a mini-private jet and supposedly helps the lungs gather extra oxygen to help fight bacteria, stimulate stem cells and clear brain fog. This claustrophobe doesn’t love it, finding the decompression a bit unsettling, but the nurse agrees to sit outside in full view for 45 minutes in case I panic. (I don’t.)

The clinic also offers high-tech aesthetic procedures such as Coolsculpting, Vanquish Fat Elimination, Thermage skin-lifting and Botox injections, which interest me not in the slightest. Nevertheless, they are obviously great money-spinners for Thai clinics.

Over to Jai and the traditional therapies. The Chinese doctor, Dr Ice Penkamol Monthiankasem, assesses my health by first looking at my tongue. She follows this with an intense session of acupuncture, using a cigar of smoking herbs to heat the needles as she adjusts them. The Ayurvedic doctor, Dr Dinesh Singh, assesses my dosha (body type) and has some useful dietary suggestions. I mustn’t eat raw food like salads, or drink water before or after meals, but I should eat black raisins daily and introduce a sour fruit called Amla (Indian gooseberry) to my diet. He demonstrates some Pranayama breathwork for me to practise.

Into the mix comes my physical assessment with James in Gaya gym. He runs me through a barrage of tests for strength, flexibility and balance, giving me points for each one. I’m a bit of a failure but on a balance machine I discover my right leg is much weaker than my left, valuable information that explains my recent bout of tripping. Jeng takes over and gives me a session on the red cord machine, which is used in serious rehabilitation clinics. It’s a series of slings hanging off bungee cords that mimic zero gravity, a way of safely exercising without pain.

The strength of RAKxa is that all the doctors from the different disciplines consult each other regarding my health and adjust their treatments according to communal information. All the sessions are thorough, but as I’m just having a sampler, I think I’d gain more by staying longer for follow-up treatment.

What really stands out is the symbiotic relationship between the doctors and chef nutritionist Ban-Bansani Nawisamphan who is a brilliant cook and a master of presentation. She is constantly tweaking the three-course lunch and dinner menus for my dietary requirements. I’m not allowed to have mango sticky rice one night (sad face) but she replaces it with a version so clever and delicious I wouldn’t go back to the original.

There’s no dairy or alcohol, instead kombuchas that taste better than any cocktail. There’s a separate Tea Lounge in the garden, where herbal teas are brewed especially for my condition. There’s also coffee and it’s good. And bread, lots of it, fresh-baked and warm. It’s a continual feast, the tastiest and healthiest food I’ve eaten at any resort, anywhere. My verdict? So much attention to myself over three days is going to result in me feeling great, regardless. But I really do think my gut issues were helped conclusively, so mission accomplished. And I was well fed and rested, with room, amenities and treatments devised to help me sleep. The traditional therapists I found to be especially good.

It was a reset rather than a revolution, and I’m sent home with reports and recommendations from each doctor, plus videos from the physiotherapists on exercises I should do at home to help my physical condition.

However, given that RAKxa is five-star all the way and priced accordingly, a treatment program is probably better value for someone recovering from surgery or injury, or with a specific ailment, such as sleep deprivation or a serious need to detox or lose weight, than for a person who simply needs a bit of pampering.

But if you want it, they do pampering expertly too.

Programs at RAKxa Wellness and Medical Retreat from 145,00 TBH ($6197) for three nights, including meals, accommodation, transfers, doctor consultations, treatments and free activities. The programs are personalised and inclusions vary. Tel +66 2055 3100. See rakxawellness.com

The writer was a guest of RAKxa.